Hello. 

I have been gone for some time, but I have been busy, sorry about that.   Things have been happening in my life, my parents building a house, and unable to help me this final year, my inability to find work, and then finally getting hired, my moving, once again to a new place, with a much better roomie, (YAY NORA!) and a far better outlook for next year.

Then there comes the things that you don't expect.  I can state the facts, I am human, an make mistakes.  I will push your buttons, and aggravate  you to no end sometimes, this I know.   I will piss you off like no other, or do something so stupid you give me wierd looks.   Heres the curve ball, i do not know I am doing these things.  So I am always amazed when I am yelled at, or corrected, or treated like shit because I did something to someone else and they hold it against me without telling me why.  

Such is the case now.  My oldest brothers girlfriend and I used to be closer, but after her yelling at me last christmas I started to drift away.   Now, she is apparently pissed at me for not saying thank you when she gave me his new number.   But do I find this out in the dissagrement that occurs when she tells me why shes mad? 

HELL NO.

She yells at me online, correcting me like a child for calling my brother for something she knows nothing about.   She says I never call him, to which I reply that the phone is a two way system.

Am I really a horrible person?  Do I not see how terrible I am and how mean and awful to everyone?   I know I am not perfect, but I feel like she went overboard, and when someone does that to me, I do not hold up well.  I get depressed, and cry, and feel like I am worthless.

So I am sorry for anything I have done or will do.  To hurt you, my dearest friends, is never my intention.

Love,
Katie

This is gonna be random and short cause I'm pissed, but I am SICK of people.  Really.

I am tired of bullshit, tired of getting pushed and shoved and really really tired of having to follow everyone elses rules just so they don't have a shitfit.

People need to learn to chill and if they really have something to tell me, or say to me, say it TO MY FUCKING FACE YOU PUSSYS!

My junior review is tomm.  Third try for me this time. Wish me luck!

I would really like to apologize for this, but I am going to rant about my brother. (Mike)

Now, he has not done anything wrong, but it upsets me to see the paths hes choosing and yes, yes, I know I have no control over them at all, but it scares me.

I do not know much about Amy, his first girlfriend I am guessing, but I know shes messed with his head and given half the chance I would most likely make that look like a peck on the cheek considering how pissed off I am at her.  I know she hurt him bad, and honestly since then, he seems like he can't hold a good thing down.


I think I am more angry at her than him really.  Mike has always seem to follow the current, where ever it may lead.  He has never been one to make his own serious decisions in life and it scares me.  I can go back through many things and say he did this and that because someone else did them first.

I do not know if any of you know Amy, but I am not sorry for saying how much of an ass she is.  No one messes with Mike, and most especially not in the bullshit way she did.

O.K. I am done.  I don't think that was so much a rant as, well never-mind.  I think i just needed to talk.

So I haven't been on here in a while, I know.

Its been hard.  It has.  I struggle just to make it.  I'm so tired I could cry.  It depresses me a lot, I hope I pass my crit.

Anywho, I miss you guys.  I feel like I haven't smiled in a while.

 

I am not a fan of Twilight, I personally think its the authors wet dream and some moron she slept with allowed her to get published when a 14 year old could write better than her.

So If your in desperate need of a laugh like I have been for the past two years, click below, and enjoy.

www.cracked.com/article_16878_if-twilight-was-10-times-shorter-100-times-more-honest.html

Love, Me.  :)

Hello all

I'm really upset so I will make this short.
 
I need a new home for my kitten Jinx.   Shes three months old and hasn't been to a vet yet, which yes, yes, I know is a problem.

But my landlord said no so now she has to go.  If you know anyone please let me know.   I would like her to go to a good home.

 

It's me and my boy-toy Sean.   :)

I love my roomies. They are awesome. 

Its monday, and that sucks cause while I had off from school, I still feel so much pressure. I wish I had off on Friday instead, does that make any sense?  

Sean is amazing, and I love him. He wants to take me to the beach for a day this weekend.  Its  a long drive, and we cant afford to stay overnight, shame really.  I love the beach.   He has brought up living together next year, and I'm really worried.  With how my parents would take it and all...any advice?

Sigh.  I was up at seven.  I'm kind of tired.  But I know I wont sleep.  I should be doing my homework.

>>
<<

Yea...should be. :P

Lots of love all!

Greetings all.


As I have been without internet for like, 5 months, this is the first chance I get to update you on everything going on.  Well, first I'm in a really nice new place with really nice girls and heres the fantastic part: WE ALL GET ALONG! WOOOOOOT

I have a boyfriend, I have been dating him for uh, I think 4 months now and hes a great guy.

Now heres the bad news.

Last year at school was HELL.  My teachers faled me at my huge art crit, so I had it again.  Once more they failed me again.  Then my painting teacher gave me an F for his class.  Heres the catch.  I'm no longer allowed to graduate with my class because that class was a core one, and therefore failing caused me to be pushed back.

Oh, I also have to pay for all next year alone, get a job that gives me health care and someone how get an internship and still find time to do work.

I'm really depressed.
I need a hug :(

Alright, as I'm SURE you all know, yesterday, April 7th was Mike's, (aka Rizzo's, though we all know whose the better one ;) ) birthday.

Join me in a toast:

To my brudder, heres to being 24, and another year closer to dressing like dad!

To those of you who forgot,  he's not that important, SHAME!  SHAMMMMMMMEEEEE!

:)

So, I honestly don't know how many of you read these anymore...if you do, thanks.  I guess its appreciated that someone is out there listening.

Heres the update for all those who care:

First, I am getting out of the place I am living, I just have 26 days now to find somewhere to live.   Tis hard.   I am also in finals, and FREAKING OUT.   I don't know if I can do it.  I have good days and bad days, today, well its somewhere in between.

Second, OTAKON.  I don't know if I can afford it this year, at all.  I'm worried.  I really wanna go, (who doesn't!) and I would have to have to skip out cause of stupid money issues.

I'm under a shitload  of stress...and I hate it.  Theres so much that one minute I'll remember, and the next I'll forget.   What to do....

So, for all those out there who would like to comment, or day hi...

well, the floors now open.

Dear Diary,

I have been absent of late, for that I am sorry.   Things have not been so good.   I failed a big crit in school, and believe me when I say I am struggling to learn something, when I do not know how to learn it.   Its hard, to take harsh crit day in and day out for months now, and look, and see your not getting any better.   I've broken down so many times now, I feel so fuckin emo.

There has never been a time in my life, when I thought I couldn't do it, or couldn't make it, or wanted to just stop...until now.   I honestly DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO IT ANYMORE.   Time and time again I look back on the days I would bullshit in class, or sit at home and watch a movie when I should have FORCED myself to pick up a brush and paint, and know I'm in trouble.  For the first time in my life, I don't know if art is my direction, I just don't know if I'm meant to do it.

I'm struggling, and I'm sinking fast in water feeling like I don't know how to swim.   I feel so lost.   But the hardest thing to swallow, is knowing that the shit I'm in, this place, all these emotions and all these little voices telling me to quit are representations of me.   I've dug my own grave, and the dirt is starting to pile up.  I don't know if I have the energy to dig myself out.

I have never felt so alone.

Goodbye,
Katie

Happy Birthday to me.  :)

Greetings.

I know I haven't been on as much, and thats pretty much cause school, work, and this theater project TOOK OVER MY LIFE!

Any-who, school kicked my ass, my teachers ripped me apart and literally said my works pretty bad, I should be better, yada, yada, yada.  Yea, failed that crit, if I fail the next one I can't go on to senior year.  No pressure.   Work is now over, as I handed in the keys and now get no hours.  Hm. 

On a completely unrelated note, I slit open my finger.  It hurt a lot.

On another completely unrelated note, I hung out, (I refuse to call it a date) with this guy, and he was a dick.  Said I was full of myself.  Thats not true right?

I miss people, and laughing, I don't laugh much anymore.   Wow this post is depressing.  : /

I also hate pink things, and today most of all. 

Heres your quote of the day, "The only good thing about Valentines day is the 50% off chocolates the day after."

Somebody tell me something, I feel left out. :(

So I'm in my friends apartment waiting for her to be ready so we can hit somewhere for food.  I didn't eat dinner last night, so I'm pretty hungry.   Thats ok, it was my fault, I was pissed.  This is the worst time of year right now, I hate the holidays.  I get so stressed out, never DO anything fun or interesting and pretty much get depressed.  Ah well, tis the season right?

So I haven't heard anything from anyone, and since Mike tells me NOTHING, I don't really know whats going on.

TELL ME!

*ahem*

I'm slightly interested.

Whew, look, a couple minutes for me to post here.  My life, as I know it, is over.  I don't think I've had a day off in a long time, much less had some fun, but thats life right now.  Man, can I not wait till this year is over.   I'm not going to go on and on about my schedule, but I will tell you some highlights.

So I'm the part time manager at KB now, boo and ya.   My GM really likes me, and has told me I was one of the quickest learners he ever had.   Personally, I think hes being nice, I happen to believe I know nothing....

On another note, I had my first professional art interview!  It is a non-paying job, but I would be designing for the posters and flyer's and website for this theater.   ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND.....*DRUM ROLL*  I GOT IT!!

Yea, I was pretty giddy, and I called my parents and by now its probably all over the family.  :)

Money and I are not liking each other.  At all.  I'm having issues with stupid UGI, which is my gas and all, and there stupid payment thingys.   Oh joy.  Not to mention, I'm getting some good money from work, but I still hate feeling a little short, and I'm trying to help my parents out by paying my own rent for some time and all....lets hope I can do it.

I know I misses some birthdays, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 

I am getting a good amount of sleep, but I'm still so exhausted, and I know its cause of how hard I'm working with school and then with work...and Christmas is around the corner....ARG!

*sighs*   Alright, enough of my rambling...

Laters!

I know, I know, I haven't been around.   Its been pretty much non-stop for me since school started.   Junior year is apparently the "weed out" year.  They basically push us to breaking and for those who can make it and not drop out, hey, good for them!  I hope to god I'm one of them.

I did get the part time management position at my job, go me!  I'm scared as hell I'm going to screw something up and get fired though, like you wouldn't believe.   I was shaking the one day he sat me down and stood behind me as I did everything myself.  Now, don't get me wrong, the guy training me is really nice and patient with me, but its quite intimidating...know what I mean?

Living situation has been...well, ok I guess.  I don't really mingle with the one girl at all, and the other girl and I get along ok.  Its kinda like waiting for the drop into the storm, cause I feel like somethings going to happen, I just don't know what, or when.

All in all I've been pretty damn depressed.  Yea, nothing new out here, but I mean theres so much crap going on, and I'm so busy and when I say I have a lot on my mind, man is that the understatement of the year.   I really think I suck at art, and am going NOWHERE, and haven't done anything worthwhile at all, while my class is already making there own stuff and being in galleries...oh the joys.

I have to keep telling myself to hold on, cause no one else is there to tell me.  My friends are great, and I love there dearly, but sometimes I feel like there so wrapped up in their own lives I get forgotten.  I know they don't mean it, but its hard to laugh when your laughing alone.

I hope I start producing some good work soon, and get out of this funk.  I need time for me, but I wont get it at all at least until Feb.  I work all weekend, and school all week.  Hey, at least I'm getting money right?  However, as my mother so casually pointed out to me, I have insurance due...well here comes the depression again.

Maybe I'm just not cut out for it.  Man I haven't even talked to my brother in a long time.  Not that he really gives a damn...we've never been close.  Even if I try talking to him online, I always feel like he's sending me the 'I got better things to do' vibe.  

Well, what can you do.  I gotta go wallow in my misery now....